The Oncoming Storm: Part 1

I had lived on this street my entire life. I had seen it change through the years but some how stay the same. But there was something about tonight that was different. As I stood staring out of my bedroom window I could see abandoned cars and empty streets. In the far of distance I could see billows of smoke and hear the faint wail of sirens. I knew that this was going to be a night like no other. I was prepared but my fear was starting to out weigh my readiness.

I took one last look at the place where I grew up and all the memories it held. But it was time to let go and move on, because I knew I was no longer safe. And, as far as I knew, I was the last one alive in my town. When it all began I knew I had to make a choice. Stay and die, or leave and fight as best I could and see if I can survive. I chose the latter, seeing as there was nothing holding me here any more. This could be the end of everything I have ever known.

I turned away from the window and head out of the door, pausing halfway down the stairs to take one last look around my house. I pushed back the tears and headed towards the back door. Grabbing my backpack, car keys and shotgun. I left, without locking the door for the first time in years.

I walked across the garden and to the garage at the bottom. Trying to be as careful and as quiet as I could be. I couldn’t take any risks, not this early in my journey. That was one of my top rules: Don’t try to be a hero. No matter the circumstances. I had learned that the hard way. After opening the garage door. I climbed into the car, took a deep breath, put the key in the ignition and started the engine. As I started pull away I could feel the tears forcing their way to the surface again, but I could not allow myself to feel weakness or regret about leaving everything I know.

I was slowly driving along the street, I had been meticulous in planning my route and where I eventually wanted to end but I had a handful of back up plans, just in case thing went awry. I had my bag on the passenger seat and my shotgun resting on my lap, because god knows when I would need it. I turned on the motorway begin careful not to drive to fast. After driving for only a few miles, I drove in the fog and just as I emerged on the other side. I could see a lonely figure standing in the middle of the road…

 

…To be continued.

Aurgh!!!!

God knows why I decided to post this from my iPod but hey when the need to blog comes, it’s handy to have a device like this to hammer out. Whatever thoughts that have just crossed my mind. And tonight’s is a rant.

Recently I have been feeling like I have been stuck on a rut, with me getting older and still not doing the things o want with my life and it is starting to make feel so fucking frustrated. To the point that I cannot see a way out or a solution to the way feel. And I feel like I am being my own worst enemy when it comes to this. I know what I want but I tend to put the feelings and needs of others before my own. And. Now it is getting to a point where I feel like certain people are just taking the piss. I try to be nice and be a good person but when all is said and done. Sometimes I get sick of beig the one everyone comes when they have a problem or need some advice but when I need that they seem to vanish in to thin air. I have friends that I hand on heart what do anything for and that is because they are really friends and not fair-weather friends as my nan would say. And right now I am starting to find out who my true friends are.

I can honestly say that I cannot wait to move away from all the negitivity and problems from the last few years. I need a fresh start. And that all starts in the new year, with learning to drive. I have a list of things I want out of next year but can be bothered to list them all here.

Well I feel kinda better after typing all that but right now I need sleep and coffee. Sometimes starting work at 7.30am sucks!!

xo

Travelling

I thought for a while about doing another post and it took me a while to come up with a topic, but i finally have. So here goes, for making something coherent and that people might enjoy reading.

As you can tell from the title, this is gonna be all about traveling. Which is something I have wanted to do since I can remember. But it had only been recently that I have actually started to put these thoughts and plans in to order and written word. Because when I finally get the chance to do it, I want everything to be perfect to know that I am doing and seeing all the things I want to. I know that sounds kinda OCD but that’s the way I am. I am a stickler for organization. I mean I don’t plan to do any major journeys just yet but I have guide books and stuff so I am prepared for everything and can be sure that I am doing what is right for me.

There are only to countries that I want to tour extensively and they are Australia and Canada. I don’t know what it is about these two countries but they seem to have a pull on me. And I think there is a part of me that wants to see all the fantastic sights that both places have to offer. Hence the reason for all the planning, I would hate to get there and not know what I wanted to see or do.

Lets start with Canada. I want to see Niagara Falls and The Northern Lights. Amongst other things which include seeing polar bears up close and visiting the ruins in Quebec. My absolute dream trip would be to travel from Vancouver all the way across to Montreal, either via train or in a car. There would be some many places to see and I cannot begin to fathom the views that would be out there on the open road. I can’t help but smile when I think about it and the fact that one day I am going to make it happen.

Now on to Australia. I normally do not like the heat. I tend to get really grumpy in the summer, but there is something about the bright sunshine and endless beaches that they have to offer that has changed my mind about hot places. I also would love to travel round the outback and be able to camp out in the middle of nowhere. I can just imagine the stars in the night sky. Be nice to see a night sky that isn’t ruined with light pollution.

The one thing I want to be able to do before I go to Oz, is be able to surf. And to rectify this by hopefully going on a holiday to Cornwall, where you can have surf lessons. Because I would be able to say that I have surfed on Bondi Beach.

I think the reason I want to travel so much, is that I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in Derby. Feeling like I am stuck in a rut. Doing the same things and seeing the same people all of the time. I want to experience things and when my days finally count down. I want to know that I lived each and every day to the fullest and did the things that I wanted to do. 

Because in my opinion, life is made of moments and little things that makes you smile. And you have to make the most of what you have been given. Which includes surrounding yourself with people who make you smile and fill you with hope and positivity (I know I have a few of those in my life right now, and I hope they know who they are.)

Anyway I am going to sign off now so I can go back to planning and daydreaming 

xo

Books <3

While I was waiting town yesterday afternoon, waiting for my friend to finish work. I decided to go and look in Waterstones and it made me realize how much I actually love reading. I do not know what it is about reading a good book that I love so much, all I know is that it’s something that fills me with so much joy and happiness that I find it hard not to get whole heartedly stuck in to a book.

As of about five minutes ago I finished reading a massive book, that has taken me less than three weeks to read. There were times when I was reading Dexter that I actually found it hard to put down and stop reading. But things like eating and going to work seem to get in the way. I can honestly say that I will be reading it again. In my room, I also have other books that I have read over and over again, because there is something about those certain books that I cannot forget even when a lot of time has passed since the last time I picked up that book. I even have a book that I was given for Christmas in 1993 or 1994 (I can’t remember which?!), it’s called Ashes, Ashes. And in all honestly I love that book. 

I was six or seven when I got that book. And I can remember being more interested in the pictures than in the actually words written in there. It wasn’t until I got older that I began to appreciate what was written, and as I approached 20, I finally understand the meaning of the book. And I had never realized how sad it was. Yet I still love that book. I urge everyone to try to find a copy and tell me what you think. Although after a quick look on Google, tells me that the book doesn’t exist (I did another search and found it this time it’s by  Etienne Delessert)

Another book that I seem to read over and over again is a book called The Regulators by Richard Bachman (who is actually Stephen King). It is an odd book to say the least but being a massive Stephen King fan, this book holds a special place in my heart. Even though when I finally got a copy of IT to read. I started reading it, got freaked out (from watching the film when I was younger) I decided the best place to hide it was under my bed. When I finally got it back out, I really enjoyed and have read it several more times since. Maybe next time I find a book that freaks me out, I’ll do what Joey did on Friends and put it in the freezer!! 😀

This is going to be my last waffling paragraph about how much I love reading, but until a few years ago, I had never thought about reading an Autobiography. I found it somewhat confusing to read about a famous person’s humble beginnings to who they are now. Then I read Sharon Osbourne’s first book and it totally changed my mind. I haven’t read many so far but the ones I have read have been fantastic and compelling. Out of them, there is one that will forever hold a special place in my heart and that is Simon Pegg’s Nerd Do Well. The reason the epic amount of love and praise I have for this book is because my dad took the time out of his day to go and get the book signed by Simon. I actually cried when I opened the book, it has my name in and the effort my dad had gone to, tp procure it for me. And also I adore Simon Pegg. It was nice to read a book written by a fellow geek!! 

That’s enough rambling for now. I need some breakfast.

P.S My apologizes if none of this makes any sense. It does to me 😛

Crashing like waves.

As the stars twinkled above my head, I dug my hands and feet deeper into the warm sand. There was something about the dark sky and the crashing waves that bought clarity to my head. It was where I could be alone, truly alone.

Every time a wave crashed, my heart skipped a beat. With every passing minute I could feel the tide, coming closer and closer. And before long I felt the icy cold tendrils of the ocean reach my toes. The sound and feeling bought a happiness I hadn’t felt in such a long time. I finally felt release, like I was alive and seeing the world for the first time. 

With each passing moment I felt the tide come closer and closer to me. I felt at peace, that whatever was missing from my life had been found, like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle. This was a thought that bought a smile to my face.

 It wasn’t until now that I realized how much serenity it bought me to be in this place, at this time. It was if my spirit was soaring and nothing could bring me down. I wish could stay here forever. I felt at home.

As the waves pushed closer and closer to my hands, still buried and clenching the sand. I thought about the past, all the hurt I had felt, the tears I had shed. Yet being here made all that seem so insignificant, so contrived. The earlier clarity was starting to fade and I felt like I was tumbling through my mind. Trying to answer questions I didn’t understand.

As reality returned, I decided it was time to leave and try and find another place of solitude.

Footsteps in the rain

The rain thudded against my head as I squinted in the hazy orange glow of the street light. My bare feet felt numb from the cold puddles that littered the road. It felt like I had been walking for days. My mind weary from thinking. 

I moved the hood back from my eyes and looked up at the sky. There was nothing there except a star twinkling back at me. I stopped in my tracks, breathing in a lungful of the fresh night air.

I crossed the road and lit a cigarette. The rush of nicotine gave me the extra energy I needed. To me, I had no other purpose in my life apart from walking. Sure, I had a home and a fancy car. But there was something about walking that made me feel free.

Like I could put right all the wrongs in my life. As I sat down on a nearby wall. A taxi sped past. Filled with drunken revellers on their way home. To rest spinning heads in comfy beds. Being plagued only by the memories of the night before.

That was something I missed. Swirling memories of the antics of the night before. This thought bought a smile to my face, but the sound of a bird twittering bought me crashing back to reality.

I sighed readjusting my hood, so it just covered my eyes. I got up from the wall. I careful traced a path across the curb. Being really childish. Placing one foot in front of the other.

My mind drifted to thoughts long gone, coupled with dreams of walking on a warm sandy beach. Each grain of sand caressing my toes. These far off ideas bought tears to my eyes.

 I had no destination. I was simply walking. Maybe I was walking to find myself or to replace something that had long been missing. I threw my cigarette butt into a puddle before looking back at the rising sun.