Ive not been on here in a year and for some reason, it makes me feel really nostalgic. So I thought while I have some time before I start my new job that I would do a new post and I decided to make it about something that most people are willing to talk about and still se as a taboo: suicide.
I think what prompted me to talk about it is the documentary I watched Professor Green: Suicide and Me. It was a documentary in which he talked about his dad’s death, the effect it had on him and the, quiet frankly, high rate of male suicides. It’s something I recommend everyone watch as its both sad and eye opening. For me this is a topic that’s close to my heart. Someone close to me, took their own life ten years ago. So I thought I’d talk about how it made me feel and how the show answered some of the questions that I still have so bear with me.
I can remember the day I got the news, it’s something that will leave with me until the day I die. I should have been celebrating, getting my A level results and getting in to university, but I couldn’t. The news broke my heart and the fact that my mum needed me and I was so far away didn’t make it any easier to deal with. The first emotion I felt was pure anger, wondering how someone could be so fucking selfish. I couldn’t and still can’t comprehend the reason for someone taking their own life. The pain it leaves behind is something that never subsides, it just gets easier to deal with. The hardest part is accepting that it’s was their choice and that they weren’t suffering any more.
The documentary was beautifully honest and to have a celebrity talk about the affects this had on his life and that he had questions that needed answering was something I could relate and it was so brave of the men, also in the show, being so honest and open about their feelings and the way suicide has had an impact on them. From talking to survivors to people that had lost family members. For most, especially men, it’s still such a taboo subject and it shouldn’t be. We should all be given the opportunity to express our feelings even on our darkest days. We all deserve a chance at life and things do get better, but all it takes is time.
The show answered the one big question that I had and that was why? Why would a person do that to themselves? And there isn’t an answer to it, it’s just something that we have to accept, and understand that it isn’t selfish. In many ways, it’s a brave act, when you can’t see a way out. It’s the ones that get left behind that feel the pain. And the fact that we can cry to each other and share the good times and the bad times. And remember the person they were and not how their life ended.
So to anyone out there reading this, know that you are not alone. And maybe one day when can turn this in to a subject, people aren’t afraid to talk to.
In case anyone needs someone to talk to: http://www.samaritans.org
And the documentary that inspired the post: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b06mvx4j/professor-green-suicide-and-me
Thank you to Professor Green for being brave enough to openly talk about this issue.